I realize that I’m not that good at talking about my art.

Or I’m not that good at writing about it. In theory it seems like a great idea, a way to connect with others about what I’m making. But when it’s actually time to do it, to document a process and explain what I’m doing, it just seems boring. I’ve already done the fun stuff! I’ve made the thing! Now I have to go back and do homework about it? Who wants to hear any of this anyway?

At least, that’s how my brain seems to feel about it. I want to be able to ride the serotonin train of creation right into the next project, never stopping to assess or contemplate or to be vulnerable. No introspection or opening up here!

That’s not to say I don’t understand the importance of doing that work. I do. Taking time to look back and previous art can help you build up to the next thing. It can help you understand what you want to do differently next time, maybe a better process or subject. It also gives folks insight into the work. People often connect more with art when we know the human behind it. Just look at how much we love celebrities, especially social media icons. We feel so connected when we get to peak into someone’s life.

But right there is another sticking point for me. I am not great at social media, at least when it comes to my art account. I don’t really care for strangers to know me as a person, I want them to see my art! What they (or the algorithm) might find interesting is what I feel like is the least interesting thing about being a creative. The art is the point! Not me! I’d rather the art speak for itself. Maybe a little two sentence artist statement if I feel it really needs one. But that’s not how the world interacts with artists anymore. We need to be “content creators” now, it seems. Everyone needs to be a videographer, too.

What is the solution? I do want to share my art, but the avenues in which to do so don’t match my needs as an artist. Should I “suck it up” and grind out videos for the algorithm? Spend too much time and energy on predicting trends and picking audio to match 10 second videos? Do I shun society completely and just make my art in a dimly lit room just for me?

Obviously those are both very unappealing extremes. But they are what my brain tends to swing wildly between when I want to feel incredibly dismal about my future as an artist.

All of this is to say, I think the answer is to do what I find so hard to do. I am gonna try to let go of the algorithm. I will make art for me. AND I will strive to share that work and my thoughts about said work. Here. Hopefully in a way that makes me (and you) engaged with what I’m doing. And in doing so I hope to convince myself that my art (and maybe more importantly my thoughts about it) are worth sharing.

I can’t promise I’ll be consistent. In fact maybe that’s part of the point. If I’m going to do this, It’ll be on my own (adhd) schedule. But I can say that this is the place for me to be more authentic with what I’m making. I want to promise myself that I’ll follow my gut, that I’ll engage with what calls to me. My niche is just ME. Everything else comes after.